as i release the many former parts of myself, countless monsters surface. i remember what jealousy feels like. i remember what judgment feels like. i remember what loneliness feels like. but most of all, i remember what insecurity feels like. like metal grinding against metal. i pour myself onto the table and try to spruce it up, just in case someone happens to see it. as if even the chambers of my heart were on display.
this is Beautiful because i asked for it. i begged for it. i manifested it. i asked to have all of the residue of my former self removed, and it was sucked out like poison from a wound. its as if i cracked myself open and scattered the pieces onto the floor. every little lie i told or love i gave or smile i faked. now i have to sift through the wreckage and figure out what pieces to keep and which to discard. and i am afraid.
every thought feels like a bruise. my brain itself is raw from having all the dark things pulled out and set on fire. but this is still Beautiful, and i am glowing from inside.
