the One I've been waiting for;

Having recently gotten out of a 2.5 year relationship, I've had a lot of time to myself. A lot of time to think. A lot of time to become aware of the fact that I have been relying on others to fuel my own self esteem. I'm not one to search out the spotlight, though it tends to happen anyways because I am loud and I wear my emotions like warpaint. So when I am not in someone's spotlight, I begin to wonder if I have ceased to exist. Reality has always been a a tricky subject, and I have a very delicate, tenuous grasp on it. 

Now, I feel that I should clarify a few things here, which seem to be common misunderstandings, regarding where I'm at right now:

1) I don't miss the relationship. I was unhappy with it for a long time, and I have become more myself in the last few weeks, than I ever could have in the last few years. Maybe that sounds heartless, but it was a good thing that it ended. 

2) I do not dislike myself. I, in fact, am quite pleased with the person I've become. I am proud of myself, and I regret nothing. But it's when I take this personal image out into the world, and people don't react the way I expect them to, I wonder if I was wrong. Or if I am just so peculiar, so alien (which has basis in reality), that no one gets it. Perhaps no one knows what to make of me.

3) I don't want attention. Not from most people anyways. All I really want is acknowledgment. Because as previous discussed, it is a confirmation of a common reality between myself and another. 

So now that I've made this sufficiently convoluted and incoherent, I think that the main objective to this rambling is that I am now tasked with developing a stable ground within myself. I need to create a core that is so dense, so incredibly durable, that I can continue to exist without sharing realities with anyone else. I need to learn how to work my magic alone, so that I can be a more complete part of the rest of the Universe. And thus, the duality becomes apparent, as I am both isolated and integrated.

(I am the Calm
and I am the Storm
I am Bruised
and I am Whole
I am the One I've been waiting for
and I am Empty;)